Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A prayer for our once-and-hopefully-future-awesome country

Dear Lord in heaven, Whom I realize I only seem to acknowledge in situations of dire circumstance, including, but not limited to, imminent death in general, permanent loss of physical faculties, catastrophic financial desperation, large oncoming vehicles unexpectedly appearing in my lane of traffic, substantial loss of vital bodily fluids, seemingly inescapable deathtraps (including, but not limited to, towering infernos, quicksand pits, pools of sewage [in which humans sink, not float], shark-infested waters, decompressing submarines, rooms with steadily-encroaching walls of spikes, baskets filled with cobras, masterminds' torture chambers filled with deadly gas [just torture chambers in general, I suppose], spiked Catalan garroting execution devices, the gallows in general, that thing from David Lynch's movie adaptation of Dune that tries to kill Kyle MacLachlan with a syringe of poison when he moves), serial murderers who have trapped me in an abandoned complex and have long, complex plans for my eventual death, gas leaks, convenience store and/or bank holdups, bizarre baking accidents, injury or near-fatal injury due to unsafe work environments (covered by workers' comp), sizable objects falling from a substantial height onto my person, my person falling from a substantial height onto a sizable object, choking on a piece of otherwise-delicious food, falling into a bubbling vat of oil, getting pinched by a crab carrying a rare flesh-eating bacterium that kills humans over the course of a few painful and diarrhea-and-vomit-ridden hours, finding a black mamba in my favorite pair of jeans, lighting a cigarette within close vicinity of a gas station or its propane tank, overlooking the Mr. Yuck! Poison Control sticker on a bottle of antifreeze, adding superfluous amounts of propane to a barbecue with a faulty ignition button, using bleach and ammonia in an unventilated bathroom, eating fugu sushi prepared by a drunk sushi chef, impalement, disembowelment, drawing-and-quartering, degloving, defenestration, immolation, castration, double elimination, asphyxiation, or bifurcation, please let Hillary drop out of the race please let Obama win (edit: that edited statement's a bit more specific, and it seems timelier than when I first started writing this post).

Amen and GObama, as they say.




Bryan said...

and yea.

and whoa.

i lol'd a lot.

did you watch the debate tonight? cnn threw hillary too many softie bullshit questions that they knew she would love to be asked.

Willie Ziebell said...

No, I didn't, but I don't think my roomate'd appreciate me yelling at the TV. Again.

Liz-a-nator said...

Hallelujiah and amen to that, Willie. And incidentally I'm afraid of a lot of those same things. Ba-ROCK on, Ziebell.